What is ABDL?

ABDL is not pedophilia

A pedophile is someone who has a sexual attraction for biologically prepubescent children. In contrast, ABDL’s identify as biologically mature persons that are aware and consenting to acting in a prepubescent or infantile manor. Anyone attracted to other ABDLs are also not pedophiles as they are not attracted to persons for being biologically prepubescent but because they are acting prepubescent. It is as likely to find a pedophile in the ABDL community as it is to find one in the general population.    

ABDL is...

an acronym for Adult Baby Diaper Lover.

Emphasis on the diaper lover

To be frank, a lot of ABDL has to do with wearing and using diapers for their intended purpose but this is not always the case. Most people do not prefer messing but just peeing in diapers. People can be very dedicated to this experience to the point of exclusively using diapers. Of course some people are already struggling with incontinence anyways. At the same time, some people wear diapers but don't use them. Some people don't even wear diapers but care about the other aspects of being a baby. There's a whole spectrum dedicated just to the way people treat diapers.

Speaking of spectrums

The ABDL community is loaded with spectrums. These spectrums make each individual and their relationships in the community very unique. It is also important to note that these are not fixed values, and people will often times experience themselves in different ways at different times. Here are the main three spectrums: 

Adult Baby Diaper Lover Spectrum 

This spectrum is the single most important specifier of the the community with adult babies on one side and diaper lovers on the other side. People will generally fall to one side or the other of the spectrum. It is not uncommon for there to be extremes either. Some people simply wear diapers and others simply enjoy being an adult baby. Often times however, adult babies use diapers as part of being a baby. 

Sexual Spectrum

This is a very close second because it frequently determines a lot about the way people prefer to interact with each other. Some people can be exclusively sexual and others can be exclusively non-sexual in their expressions. In the context of being an adult baby this is more generally known as age play verses age regression with age play being the sexual side of the spectrum.  

Care Spectrum

We all know that you don’t leave babies alone. If there are people interested in receiving care there are also folks exclusively interested in caregiving. This is often times known as the Daddy dom (DD)/mommy dom (MD), little girl (LG)/little boy (LB) dynamic. Often it's acronyms are displayed as such: DDLG, MDLG, DDLB or MDLB. Caregiving in the real world is an umbrella term, and likewise this is the case in the ABDL community: Daddy, Mommy, or babysitter are all common roles people play. But then there are also instances where sometimes one person is the baby and other times the care giver, and vis versa for the other person(s) involved and this dynamic is known as “switch.” Switch could be where you are playing both dynamics one at a time, or together at the same time.

Of course not everyone is interested in caregiving dynamics either, or perhaps they are only sometimes. These are folks who are generally independent in their relationship with ABDL. Next lets look at these definitions more specifically. 

Age regression

is generally not a sexual headspace, but a headspace wherein somebody takes on the characteristics of a prepubescent child or infant. Generally this is viewed as a coping strategy with the theme of achieving feelings of safety and security, especially as a means to relieve negative emotions. Bearing in mind the headspace of age regression, it is a general agreement that prepubescent children and infants do not have much sexual curiosity, therefore age regressors follow suit. Rather, often times this space is deliberately anti sexual because sex oftentimes requires risk taking. 

Age play

in comparison involves the use of sex it is generally not an exclusively sexual experience. One important dynamic of any sexual relationship (including the most vanilla ones) is power and control. Age players find that highlighting this dynamic is sexually arousing in a sense which is not so dissimilar from deciding that a steak needs more salt. In a sense they simply increase the presence of the power and control dynamics. Themes in this mode involve shaming, embarrassing, punishing, and any other coercive measure imaginable to achieve control, or domination at least to the point of civil obedience and specifically in the way one might experience from a parent or caregiver. An example may sound something like this, “If you’re gonna pout like a baby I will treat you like a baby.”

Make no mistake however, that in the instance of being either an age player or age regressor, an even more important aspect is their ability to turn off the dynamic with their caregiver. As is generally a BDSM practice in the ABDL community it is mentally therapeutic for subs to be able to know they can tell their play partners to stop, and that it will be honored. This type of control can be attractive to those that have experienced abuse and trauma. Whereas before their "no" was not honored, it is now. This type of power allows such individuals to both control and willingly decide to surrender control to their experiences and that can feel really good. It can also allow them to explore their trauma. Of course you can also imagine this is for sure, not always sexual play.

Diaper Lovers

may explore some of these dynamics but it is a general rule of thumb for them that they prefer to just wear diapers. Some wear diapers and/or enjoy others wearing diapers exclusively for sexual arousal. In this sense it may be one of many ways for somebody to become aroused as is the case with kinks, or it may be a fetish where they have to have diapers in order to become aroused. At the same time, others very seldom, if ever wear diapers with the intent of achieving sexual gratification. There may be a whole host of reasons why they choose to wear diapers. Here’s some examples: 

• Life is more enjoyable getting to wear diapers and not having to go to the bathroom every ten minutes when you have a small bladder. 

  
  

• No matter how many different therapists you’ve seen you still struggle with OCD about infected surfaces and one of the ways you’ve found to manage it is by not using public restrooms and instead using diapers.

  
  

• You’ve known since you were young that you felt more comfortable and safe wearing diapers and it helps you manage your generalized anxiety. 

  
  

• In of yourself, diapers would not be your thing but you wear them for your partner because they think it’s sexy and it’s a turn on for you to know it’s a turn on for them. Because of this you feel closer to your partner and you feel it makes for a stronger relationship.

  
  

• You have decided to embrace your incontinence and have found that diapers are an adequate solution, and enjoy being apart of a mutual community 

  
  

• You have ASD and love the feeling of being in diapers and don’t know why but something about it just makes you feel good and helps you calm down. 

Are ABDLs mentally ill?

Ugh, no... However, they will sometimes use ABDL as a means of coping with mental illness.

Let's be realistic though, ABDLs are not ignorant. They understand how this appears to other people. They often feel misunderstood, alone, depressed, and anxious. They wonder if they will ever find a romantic partner, or friends that will understand them. They are often times very afraid and hide this part of themselves for fear of social ridicule and rejection. They themselves spend a lot of time in self-condemnation and hatred of their desires. They get involved in binging and purging cycles which can promote mental illness. Which is ironic because ABDL can also be a mental health tool.

Indeed mental health is the most consistent theme throughout the community no matter how you approach it. The ABDL community consists of a diverse group of people with different although similar ways of coping with negative emotions and experiences. When members of the ABDL community engage with each it can increase mental health outcomes and besides...

Everybody is into weird shit whether they can admit it or not.

If you are struggling with your feelings about being into ABDL talk to a therapist. If you live in Denver Colorado, I know this terrific therapist, it's myself. Chris Renick. But of course, there are some other therapists I know as well if you don't get a long with me too.